Friday, July 30, 2010

Samurai Zack: The Japanese katana is not a play thing children!

If you're at all interested in the history of the samurai, or if you simply realize that Katanas Are Just Better, then check out this young man's blog post:

Samurai Zack: The Japanese katana is not a play thing, children!

He's not talking just about safety, but also from the perspective that the katana was a weapon revered by the samurai and treasured by the Japanese even today. So, testing one by trying to slice a metal folding chair (!) with it or by standing on it (!!) is disrespectful, plain and simple. Not to mention stupid.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Truth stranger than fanfiction: Andrew Hsu: 2010 Chicago Single

On Monday I came across the July issue of Chicago magazine in the doctor's office. One of the cover articles was "Chicago's top 20 most eligible singles." I'm neither single nor eligible,* nor am I one of Chicago's top 20 anythings. But, hey, I had time to kill.
As you'd expect, the article was fluffy and shallow. At least there were a few non-Caucasians included. (It being a new millennium and all.)
So I checked out the bio on the lone Asian-American dude. That's when the strangeness of reality unveiled itself.
Go ahead and read it.

Andrew Hsu: 2010 Chicago Single

Think about this for a minute. Andrew is a "resident physician in orthopedic surgery at Rush University Medical Center and part-time model." A surgeon and a model. Srsly?
I can't testify as to his medical credentials. But take a look at this.






















I'd say he's got the necessary credentials for modeling, wouldn't you?

Note I saw this article the day after I put up the Ken and Donny fanfic. I would have been almost embarrassed to describe one of them as a frickin' surgeon by day and male model by night.
OK, I wouldn't. But it's still kinda over the top.

I hereby decree that, henceforth, an Asian Marty or Gary Stu will be known as an Andy Hsu.

* If you are single and eligible, and would like to contact Andrew, Chicago mag thoughtfully panders provides an e-mail address:
andrewhchicago@gmail.com
If anything comes of this, no need to invite me to the wedding. I do request
, however, that you name one of the kids after me.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Mawwiage! Twue wuv!

What you are about to read is fanfiction. Based on a blog post. About a pair of fictional alter-egos. Of the two famous bloggers, Jen and Diana, of Disgrasian.com.
Not the craziest thing I've ever done. But getting up there.

-----
Jan and Diane are BFFs who have awesome lives and are basically perfect. Yet even for them, finding their Mr. Rights wasn't easy. Busy professionals making oodles of money don't have time to meet guys! So Jan and Diane turned to modern technology to help them out. Yes, they used... the Internet!

Jan: Online dating is perfectly fine nowadays.
Diane: Everyone's doing it.

So Jan and Diane posted a personal ad (together, like they do everything else!).

Diane: At e"CharmMoney".com!
Jan: Oh, you! [giggles]


At first, the results were disappointing.

Jan: I mean, the guys were cute.
Both: Of course!
Diane: But they had issues. Like, you absolutely could not touch Giorgio's hair, or he would freak.
Jan: And why was Carl always looking for phone booths, anyway?



Diane: Then there were those two guys who said they were in LXD.
Jan: As if!

Diane: Although they were very limber.
[Both giggle]


Jan: And Rico?
Diane: Ugh! He was so not a Rico. More of a Little Richard, if you know what I mean.
Jan [gasps]: Oh, naughty!
Diane: I'm kidding!








Diane: And Rico's friend, Wally?
Jan: Oh, yeah, "Wacky" Wally.
Diane:
Remember? 'Heeeerrrre's Wally!'
Jan [shudders]



















Our stalwart pair were beginning to get a bit discouraged. Would Jan and Diane ever find true love?

Diane: There was that one week in Barbados.
Jan: Oooo, Paoloooo.
Diane: And Ferrrrrnando.
Jan: The ones you don't take home to Mother.
Both: Mmm-mmm-mmm.


Still searching for true love, they rewrote their personal ad and tried again.
And by
an amazing coincidence--or was it fate?--that very day looking at the online dating site for the very first time were a pair of successful young businessmen named Ken and Donny.


Just like Jan and Diane, Ken and Donny were busy professionals making oodles of money. Just like Jan and Diane, Ken and Donny didn't have time to meet girls. Just like Jan and Diane, Ken and Donny did everything together. Even "surfing" the "Web"!


Imagine their reaction when they saw Jan and Diane's personal ad. They had so much in common! It was a perfect match.



Even though they were handsome, successful young businessmen, they were still a teensy bit nervous the first time they called Jan and Diane.


But soon they realized it was true love!




Diane: Donny's so much fun. He's got his own sense of style, as you can see! And he's in great shape. He loves soccer.
Jan: Really loves soccer. Really.
Diane: In fact, his goal is to start his own sporting goods company some day.
Jan: I hope he has better luck with that "goal" than he does on the soccer field.
Diane: ...What?






Jan: Ken's more serious. He's focused on keeping up with emerging business trends and all the latest financials.
Diane: Very focused.
Jan: And, no, he is not a Web addict!
Diane: Just don't try to come between him and his laptop.















After a whirlwind courtship, and with the blessing of their families, Ken and Jan and Donny and Diane got married in a lavish yet tasteful ceremony.
Wedding

Ahem. A
tasteful ceremony.


And they all lived happily ever after.

Basically.

Diane: No more Fernandos.
Both: [sigh]
Jan: On the other hand, no more Wallies.
Diane: True dat.
Jan: ...What?


-----
With apologies to Jen and Diana of Disgrasian.com, and to all the photographers and models seen in this post--especially Rico and Wally (I'm sure you're really very nice people).